I’ve been coaxed and badgered,
Until I say it at last;
And when I do, you think it’s new,
And throw your head back to laugh.
You don’t know I’ve said it all in silence;
That every other word I think
Is something rooted deep in violence
That I only rarely ever dare to speak.
I’ve lost the belief that it matters,
And I’m afraid that I won’t get it back.
So what to do? It’s nothing new;
And my soul I feel is growing black.
I could curse back all the curses;
I could claim that I am free,
And that all those bitter words
Hold no meaning with me.
The truth is something different,
Which my mother would be vexed to know;
But some things are still bullshit
Even when pretending that it isn’t so.