I told myself that I was more together
But all this time I’ve just been damaged
And every time I pulled away
I claimed was so as not to end up bandaged,
Not realizing that only pain
Could be the reason that I sit here ravaged
By a fear that will not go away
Of the loneliness I’ve barely managed.

9 thoughts on “Damaged

  1. Heartrending, Rachel. You evoke a profound pathos as you stir the depths. Eloquent, yet sad.

    Among the damages the virus has inflicted as it’s careened through our lives over the past year, is intensifying loneliness. Those who were beginning to reach out, to connect, pre-COVID now have had to retreat once again. How is it possible to make progress in such circumstances?

    Fortunately, the internet is one ally we enjoy that would’ve baffled previous generations. While they still aren’t quite the same as good old-fashioned companionship, online friendships do fill many of the longings the virus imposes, don’t you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I live in a suburban area. Actually, I just wrote a paragraph touching on my Covid experiences with people, but “I live in a suburban area” probably about sums it up. It doesn’t change much, really. Though, it has managed to bring me face to face with just how lonely and isolated I’ve been these past years. I daresay my blog and you guys have been in large part what has kept me from becoming… Well, a vegetable.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Naturally, Rachel, your blog and the interaction it inspires shows that, in common with all of us, you yearn for company.

        So, what does this mean for the real world (though, blogging also is quite real, thank you) once the virus relaxes its grip? What you have here and now shows you’ve taken those first steps – by far the most important part – in making the same connections in the offline world.

        You’re not going to go instantly from cowering introvert to Social Butterfly, Supreme Edition. It doesn’t work that way. I would know.

        Nor, though, will you remain mired behind the start line. You’ve experienced too much, made too many ventures already, for them not to change your life.

        It’s island hopping. doesn’t seem like much at the time, splashing across the inlet to the next beach, but look what you’ll do long term, and across an ocean. Consider this blog your outrigger. Trust me, you’re gonna love Tahiti!

        Liked by 2 people

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