The Lie

All I feel now is the lie
My heart is filled with falsity
Telling me I’m angry
Never telling why

Somewhere is the truth
Anger is convenient
Despair the main ingredient
Mixed with sadness and youth

But truth carries the pain
And knowing doesn’t save me
When I know I’m going crazy
Because how could this be sane

But if this is my deceit
Then I could use a little crazy
Because the only thing to save me
Is to not admit defeat.

13 thoughts on “The Lie

  1. Finding out why we feel the way we feel seems to be a difficult task. Not many are able to do it (mainly because many don’t want to/ are afraid to/etc.). Once you learn what is what, you give yourself the opportunity to deal with the root causes and be on the lookout for those in the future. But, as you said – that comes with risk.

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  2. What you’re telling us, Rachel, is that your willful spirit sustains you? Nice, and wise of you to recognize.

    Overly sanguine? Maybe, but only just so at that, as little matches my reformed-pessimist’s fervor. Still, consider your dynamics. The only way “The Lie” is visible is in contrast to the shining truth it shadows. In other words that good part of you, of your heart, still strives to thrive.

    Keep doing what you have been doing – writing, exploring and interacting – and we’ll get through this.

    Oh, and the beguiling melody you play (i.e., your emotional plea) aside, the lyrics (i.e., your poetic structure), are crafted with skill. Nice job!

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      1. A problem of thinkers, no?

        Oh, but for the untroubled lives of the simple – to stare at the television screen (Episode 346 of “Danger! Danger! Savage Island,” or…whatever) with thoughts no more complex than, “Wonder if she’s sleeping with him.”

        I can assure you, much more interesting things cross our minds, but then, we pay for that entertainment. We have great conversations, Rachel, largely because our brains keep us lively.

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              1. “(A) little English”? Cool! Me too, Rachel, among other ancestries.

                Oh, oh, oh…Entish. OK, I see. Although, “Entish” applies too.

                Point is, you do respond, even if it takes months. A huge difference between “Whatever” and “Wait for me to find just the right words.”

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  3. Rachel, the encouraging news is in the last two lines, “…the only thing to save me is to not admit defeat.” Exquisite poem.

    Life is made up of both positive and negative experiences. Don’t let the bad experiences get you down. Documenting the good things in your life in a gratitude journal or trying to do a kind act of service for someone else every day may make you feel more optimistic. Though some things are beyond your control, your life will primarily be what you make it.

    I just turned 72. When I was in high school, I was sure that, like the romantic poets, I would die young, certainly before age 24! I was very unhappy with the truly unreasonable restrictions imposed by my parents and could not foresee ever being happy. I look back on my life now at all the challenges and the opportunities, the failures, and the successes. Life was usually not easy, but I am glad that I did not die young and miss out on an interesting and fulfilling life.

    All the best! ❤

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    1. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! And I hope you had a happy birthday. ☺

      Believe it or not, I’m often considered to be rather naive; a word that I place more on the positive side of the spectrum. But even positives have negatives, and while naive can mean innocent and sweet, it can also mean foolish. I know well enough that an overdose of foolishness can lead to a lifetime of unhappiness, and that’s not a fate I wish to share… Even though I know I may just be trading one foolishness for another in an effort to avoid it.

      But, I am still young… And I hope I’ll be looking back from 72 someday, able to smile at a life, if not *well* lived, then at least worth it to me.

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