Lessons

I had no reason I could give you
For why I wait upon this shelf
But I think the reason it comes down to
Is that I hate myself

I’ve had years to listen
To the opinions of those dear
And what I’ve learned is mine don’t matter
And that mistakes are things to fear

Now they try to stoke my confidence
But I just don’t believe
I am everything they’ve hated
And nothing that they need

4 thoughts on “Lessons

  1. 😦
    The beginning made me think of ‘The elf on the shelf.’ I realized that it wasn’t purposeful.
    I totally get where you’re coming from. I hate how confusing the people around us can be. I was told one thing growing up, and then when I became an adult, my parents wondered why I wasn’t acting differently than what they taught me… All I can say in their defense is that the world is a confusing place. It annoys the logical part of me that likes to fit things neatly in a box. Things are easier if they fit appropriately. Unfortunately, no rules seem to apply 100% of the time anymore… So how are we supposed to figure out how all this works?

    P.S. WP is becoming even more annoying. I’m seeing sponsored posts of theirs on other people’s blogs (like yours)… Trying to trick me into clicking on their content that I never read…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Heh. Ahh, associations…

      Right? Don’t get me wrong, I have my own hypocrisies, but shouldn’t somebody have things straight? ‘Cause whoever’s steering this thing, it sure isn’t me.

      Condolences. I actually haven’t noticed it that much yet (though my recurring absences might have something to do with that), but then I often read through the reader, so maybe that’s it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. How to approach this, Rachel? In some measure, you write of someone who’s not quite you. She merely is a distillation of your thoughts and experiences, and I admire greatly your craft in concentrating them to a forlorn sigh.

    Yet, how could one not recognize you in the narrator? For that reason, a chill seizes me.

    Indeed, you hate yourself? Strong words, and not everyone evokes them. Quite the opposite, in fact.

    Also, why would others try to stoke your confidence if they didn’t need you? Likewise, this solicitude suggests just the opposite.

    The point in observing this isn’t to diminish your angst and the very real reasons you have for reaching these conclusions. How could a reasonable person do differently? Me, or you?

    However, please recognize you’re not alone on this journey. Many match your challenges to their own, not too long ago. Our soul rises to the friendly voice, then and now. Isn’t it time for a good conversation?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry again for the lateness of my comments. I’ll often read what’s written, only to be at a loss for words for… Oh, say… a month or two.

      It’s an interesting view. Someone who’s not quite me… There’s truth in that. We are, none of us, single faceted.

      Liked by 1 person

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