Damaged

I told myself that I was more together
But all this time I’ve just been damaged
And every time I pulled away
I claimed was so as not to end up bandaged,
Not realizing that only pain
Could be the reason that I sit here ravaged
By a fear that will not go away
Of the loneliness I’ve barely managed.

Reliance

There is anger in your chidings;
Worry in your voice.
When life sends out its tidings,
What will be my choice?

Will I make a grand mistake
And then come crawling back to you?
Is it more than you can take
That I’m not one, but two?

We’re like Buffy and Giles,
Or like the Winchester brothers:
We share tears and smiles
Until it begins to smother;

Until the lines begin to blur,
And I rely too much on you.
Yet still I hope that you will be there
When I don’t know what to do.

Nothing Real

I’m mourning what I’ve never mourned;
I’m losing what I’ve never had.
I’m drowning in a feeling
That I worry is a fad.

I’m surrendering to a sound
Like the combination of a breaking heart
And that ghost that hangs around,
Who likes to materialize and call it art.

I’m waiting for eternity;
Afraid that I don’t really mind,
Because I want to be the hero
But know I’m not the heroic kind.

I’m watching for a moment
To turn a blind eye;
Because maybe it’s heroic
To continue to cry.


Song of the day: Drowning, by Stabbing Westward.

On Broken Glass

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You say the words as if
You’ve never acted on it:
That voice;
That feeling.
You say the words as if
There’s not a wall that bears your mark:
A hole;
A scar.
You say the words as if
No one ever hears you;
But I do.
I do…

So then, why don’t you?

Careless Whispers

I can’t keep it inside me:
This much, I know.
But if I let it all out…
Where does it go?

Does it flow to an ocean
Bigger than me?
Another inch added
To the world’s misery?

Would others be better
If I just held my tongue?
Are my choices to choke
Or to share my venom?

I don’t want to be one
Who can only consume;
But it feels I can only ever burn,
Be it me, or you.