Presumption

I can’t battle the presumption
Carried in my words
That I’m not a channel for destruction
That I’m not better left unheard

I can’t drown out little whispers
Wearing my own voice
When I always chose my battle’s victors
And it was never the right choice.

Wordless

I only cry out when in pain:
More than I can bear alone.
And I wish I could explain
What I’m feeling when I feel alone,
But even when you’re there
Sometimes still I’m not at home
And none of it, I know, is fair;
But still I wish I could explain it in more than just a tone.

Responsibility

Hello again
Old friends and new
Too oft have I
Been the one untrue
And I wish I could make it
So that it wasn’t so
But in my life I’ve done it always
And I’ll do it again, I know.

Communication
Has never been my forte
I could blame my family,
Say they made me this way:
I could blame my genes,
Or the way I was brought up…
But I need to learn it doesn’t matter,
Because it’s me who messes up.

Mothers cannot always
Be there telling what to say;
And fathers cannot always
Protect you from the fray.
Brothers will not always
Be there to pick you up;
And sisters will not always
Be there when you’ve given up.

Ultimately, your actions
Fall on you and only you;
A terrifying thought to me,
But I’ll try to see it through.
Maybe one day, in the future,
I’ll look back and see
That my life changed for the better
When I took responsibility.


In the interest of communication, I will note that I’ve been a tad unwell these last few days… and unfortunately, have been using that as an excuse (to myself, as well as others) for letting pretty much everything slide.

Stuck

photo-1507123948929-86a949bdaa23

Silence, silence, everywhere,
But not a word to speak.
What shall I do when all I’ll do
Is hide when others seek?

Will they take my silence as a sign,
As I daresay I would theirs,
And leave me to that silence
And imagined other cares?

Will they think: I do not speak them,
So why would I want them heard?
They could not be more mistaken;
For I value every word.

Every word that’s not my own,
For my own are twisted pains;
And if I do not speak them,
It’s ’cause they’re poison in my veins.

What If

I can’t tell you what I’m seeing;
Because, what if I see it wrong?
And I can’t tell you what I’m doing;
Because, what if I’m not that strong?

I can’t show you what I am;
Because, what if it’s not enough?
And I can’t show you why I ran;
Because, what if it’s just too much?

I can’t explain to you my feelings;
Because, what if they shift at every word?
And I can’t explain to you my reeling;
Because, I don’t think that I could.

Conflicted

I wish that I could say
That it was you who walked away;
But I’m the one who drifted,
And it’s me who’s still conflicted.

You’ve moved on to something new;
And after all, why wouldn’t you?
I’m the one who’s standing still:
You have places you can go, and will.

But still it’s hard for me to hear
How you came so very near —
Even so far to knock;
And yet, you never came to talk.

Not to me; but to another:
And how painful it is my brother
So easily can talk to you,
When I’m too much a coward to.

But then, what can I say?
For it was me who lost my way.
You’re not the one who drifted;
And I’m the only one that’s still conflicted.

Reminder

Not every question is a riddle;
Not every answer is a guess.
Not every letter is a cipher;
Not every duty is a quest.

Not each beginning is an ending;
Not every ending is a death.
Not every staircase is descending;
Not all that’s missing is from theft.

Not every sorrow is forever;
Not every rain is just for you.
Not every defeat is surrender;
Not every mistake is a clue.