The fear has grown greater;
Well-watered was my first mistake.
Then fertilized with broken wishes,
Then came all the steps I didn’t take.
Oh, I know well the consequences;
But this tree is all I have
In a world I can’t see soften,
And in my bones, I’ve always known,
Its wood will be my coffin.
The years I’ve spent all looking inward
The answers never found
The hours, dreading, looking outward
At the wild world unbound
The scenes are set, the curtains rising
The actors all arranged
But will we pass with colors flying
Or flee an empty stage?
I can tell what you really feel:
The only pride I’ll really claim
Is in the capacity to hear a joke,
And hear a heartbeat in its punchline.
Oh, I know it does no good
Listening to languages unknown:
My translation tells me one thing;
To them, it’s overblown.
But I can feel the deeper meaning,
And I can’t unfeel the pain;
How can I be glad of my existence,
When I know that you don’t feel the same?
Time runs screaming
The moon, the only company I can stand
You think I’m downward leaning
Well, maybe I am
I feel every passing judgement
And I can give no blame
No one is responsible
So I stay alone with just my shame
Pain will find its moment
And that moment then will pass
Few like meeting their torment
Fewer meet torment that will last.
A bad life never changes;
But it never will get worse.
Or so I always thought;
But life won’t accept blank pages,
And it will write its own verse.
Every incident is anger
Every moment in between
Is the distance of the stars
The emptiness unseen
Every beauty is a danger
Every whisper is a scream
When all our peace ends in wars
And it doesn’t mean a thing
Nothing can save me in the silence
Between this moment and the next
Good advice will pass, as will emotion’s violence
The weight of doubt is all that’s left.
Some part of me believes
I am the rose beneath the glass
An audience to please
But any touch would be the last
My fragility, exaggerated
Or so some part of me believes
Yet how many petals have disintegrated
Watching how everybody leaves?
I tell them that I’m trying;
How much of that’s a lie?
Passively I make an effort —
Oh surely, such a treasure —
While ignoring that we’re all dying
And there’s one caller I never can deny.