I can imagine how he thinks of me:
The weak girl’s desperation.
But to this day, I can’t believe
It was all his manipulation.
I believed that I was stronger;
Thought that I could play the part.
Pretend I was normal a little longer,
And maybe then I’d really start.
But in all eyes, I the fool
Was caught up in the act —
Though whether it was mine or his
I will never know for fact.
I see a world of illusion
All determined by what we perceive
And I can’t comprehend your confusion
When I obsess over what they believe.
I feel false:
However hard I try,
The Truth from another angle
Becomes just another lie.
I arrive there later on,
Long after you have come and gone.
You assume I wasn’t coming;
It’s simply that my clock is wrong.
I worry, if I write my soul,
There’s no one that would understand
And so, as if some ancient scroll,
I translate for my brave new land
But here, a word has lost its meaning
And there, a tune has lost its singing
And somewhere along the way has gone
The very thing that I wished put to song.
And yet, I worry, if I write my soul,
No one could ever understand
And maybe, the glass might be half full,
But that doesn’t mean it’s not half full of sand.
And, who could be that keen on drinking?
Better to reign as queen of over-thinking:
And decree instead of glasses, better a box,
And better still to double-check it locks.
I’m not intending to be shallow,
Continue reading “Intentions (explicit)”
But shallow’s what I am;
There are things that I’m supposed to feel
But I’m just playing out the part
And I’m worried what that hints of me
And what lies within my shallow heart.
There is a chill, an arrogance,
An over-thought-out line to use:
And I’m trying to believe it,
But I can’t quite accept the excuse.
Because I believe there should be something;
Otherwise would be too sad.
So here I am, with myself warring
For emotions that I never had.
If you saw me on the street
I wonder: would you know?
That this is the girl writing poetry,
Shy as only she can know?
Would you guess that often trembling
Is how I mark a new experience,
When I’m laughing and cracking jokes,
Dancing on in seeming innocence?
I wonder: would you know?
If we only passed each other by,
And I with a smile and a nod
And a frank and cheery “hi!”
I’ve tasted the fruit of the garden;
I’ve opened Pandora’s box.
The one was like letting the dark in;
The other one tasted like socks.
I’ve opened my eyes to the sorrow;
I’ve closed off my mind to the good.
Today is repeated tomorrow;
Only yesterday teases of “could.”
I’ve fallen down into the ocean;
I’ve dropped the ball into the lake.
I’ve flown too close to the sun;
If only I’d been less awake.
I’ve left the mirror all shattered;
My image seems to’ve gotten stuck.
The truth is much kinder when flattered…
Here’s to seven years of bad luck!
You’re two sides of the same coin:
If you could only see,
If you could only know,
Would this tale then have a happy ending?
Or does it take more than that to go
Beyond just being the other side?