The fear has grown greater;
Well-watered was my first mistake.
Then fertilized with broken wishes,
Then came all the steps I didn’t take.
Oh, I know well the consequences;
But this tree is all I have
In a world I can’t see soften,
And in my bones, I’ve always known,
Its wood will be my coffin.
I shall tell a tale, I shall
Of a princess and her crown:
The crown just went about its day;
The princess thought it beat her down
As these tales are wont to go,
The princess sought advice
From witches three, who rhymed everything,
And always said it twice
So the witches said “dear girl, dear girl
Was never more a fool?
Was never more a fool or churl
In all this kingdom’s rule
In all this kingdom’s rule, we swear
Never have we seen
The crown that put you on to wear
No, never have we seen!”
I keep telling myself that it won’t work
Our dissonance is clear
You want to turn the music up
And I, just low enough to hear
You say how much there is to gain
And I, how much to fear
But one point on which we can agree
Is how much I love you, dear.
I try to guess what it will be like
I know I’m so far off the mark
Beauty approaches like the sunrise
Fear comes at you like a shark
I try my hand at clairvoyance
All I see is a blank page
Someone said you write your own future
I’d like to meet them with a 12 gauge.
What’s begun must find its end
However long you play pretend
And all that comes to find you since
Is inevitably the consequence
I still don’t know the answer,
Though I’ve provided more than one;
They shift in shape and form,
And no contender yet has won.
I can settle on manipulation,
Or youthful naivete;
But the truth has many iterations,
And among them is a darker me.
Right and wrong is clear no longer
We’re guilty, every one
We snap and bite our silver tongues
And hurt each other just for fun.
Can I fret on your behalf?
If I promise not to be a bother
And break the silence that has come between us
Can I sit and cry and wonder
If you’re doing alright?
Can I wish you little grief
And still be pained by the contrast
If I maintain this course I’ve chosen
And tell only the wind
“I wish you well tonight”?
What bitter words have passed between us
What bitter feelings we have held
But the only one who can release us
From our battles, is ourselves.
I can’t battle the presumption
Carried in my words
That I’m not a channel for destruction
That I’m not better left unheard
I can’t drown out little whispers
Wearing my own voice
When I always chose my battle’s victors
And it was never the right choice.