Windows

How can I explain
That all that came so easy
Everything that should be
Came to be so hard
I know the fault is mine
As if that should make it fine
As if acknowledgement can make a problem disappear
But no, it never does
And no solutions light like doves
On the edges of the windows which I never seem to open
Yet always go to as a token
Of all the things I hope and fear.

Gardens

There is madness in my mind
Growing rampant on the vine
It’s a weed, not very kind
But I’m growing it as mine

My sister grows the roses
The daisies are my mother’s
My brother just bulldozes
Plots of land for others

But I am growing madness
And I water it with strife
I feed it with my poison
Because it’s all I can give life

Lessons

I had no reason I could give you
For why I wait upon this shelf
But I think the reason it comes down to
Is that I hate myself

I’ve had years to listen
To the opinions of those dear
And what I’ve learned is mine don’t matter
And that mistakes are things to fear

Now they try to stoke my confidence
But I just don’t believe
I am everything they’ve hated
And nothing that they need

I Remember

I still remember what it was
To be held in your arms
A warmth I’d never known
A worth I’d never been ascribed

I still remember what it was
To look into your eyes
A cleverness I rose to meet
A calm that overcame surprise

I still remember what it was
To sit there side by side
A glance into your soul
A chance to listen and confide

I will remember what it was
Long after you’ve forgotten
A beautiful memory
A web you have me caught in

The Wolf

I have to watch the road and look away
I know what it says if I choose to stay
Desperation suits all people ill
But damn if I’m not desperate still

I like to fancy that I know you well
The danger does not harm the sell
I feel less alone when I’m with you
And I wonder if you aren’t lonely too

Ah, the holes we like to dig
I know you’re a wolf with a sheepish wig
But I still wonder if in your wolfish heart
All you really are is torn apart.

Half My Heart

I wish with half my heart
To seize the start until the end
And become that better person
In some ways other than pretend
To be the loving, loyal lamb
Without this fear that I’m the fatted calf
I wish with half my heart
But how can I live without the second half?

Conflict

You say I’ll become what I think I am —
Your favored mind over matter theory;
But I think what I’ve heard again and again,
And wonder, how doesn’t that apply to me?

My role models are filled with despair;
My benefits of doubt dismissed as fantasy.
I’m told to trust no one —
Now how doesn’t that apply to me?

I’m stubborn, to be sure:
When set to fight, I fear to flee;
But all your laughter at those led —
How doesn’t that apply to me?

Some might call me mediator
For my hate of animosity;
But now like any good diplomat,
Conflict’s all I see.

Dancing With Fire

I have been caught in a dance with a flame
I have been warned, but still I remain
I have been drawn by the warmth of a fire,
But I find It’s the steps of the dance I desire

I have been caught in a dance with a flame
I’ve heard it all; he’s not one I can tame
But I know the truth at the heart of the fire,
And there’s worse things in life than a boy and his pyre