“Bitch”

I ate the last Payday
It’s no good for me
I know, but it’s so strange
I can’t help it
‘Cause I see it on the table
Looking innocent and sweet
Where people put their feet

Yesterday I tried
Not to fuel the need
Calling from inside
I don’t understand this thing for healthy food
I guess I should feel it too
But I’ve never been anything
Like a normal sane person

I’m a geek
I’m a wonder
I go wild
For my slumber
I’m a winner
Though I ain’t
Why should I be ashamed?
I’m not hip
I’m naive
What else can I believe
But God must have meant for me to be this way?

So with a side of spam
Have my lunch at three straight out of the can
Rest assured it goes quite well with oranges
And some Bushes baked beans
I might be a tad deranged
But I wouldn’t change a thing

I’m a geek
I’m a wonder
I go wild
For my slumber
I’m a winner
Though I ain’t
Why should I be ashamed?
I’m not hip
I’m naive
What else can I believe
But God must have meant for me to be this way?

I don’t drink
Whiskey, gin, rum or stout
Water’s boring as hanging
I drink a cool Mountain Dew
Or a lemonade tea

I’m a geek
I’m a wonder
I go wild
For my slumber
I’m a winner
Though I ain’t
Why should I be ashamed?
I’m not hip
I’m naive
What else can I believe
But God must have meant for me to be this way?

I’m a geek
I hate fleas
Open a door I’m prone to sneeze
If it’s a yurt
Or my supper
The latter’s not a fixer upper
Jammed my thumb
Bruised my thigh
You know I cannot tell a lie
It was all trying to kill a single boss today

***

And this, folks, is what happens when you’re moved to parody Meredith Brooks at 4 in the morning…

Disclaimer: NOT a self portrait. I would never eat the last Payday.

Traceless

I wish that things were different
I wish that I had seen
Who you are is not who you were then
And I am not as I had been

If only I could’ve seen that
Back when it mattered most
But I made the choice reasonable then
And left myself a ghost.

Keeper of Secrets

What do you know, keeper of secrets
Keeping us all alone
Where do you go, keeper of secrets
When you are not at home

There is the door, why do you leave it
What are you lying for
Letting us go, but you never see it
You think it’s one-sided war

What did you do, keeper of secrets
What are you hiding for
One moment that’s true, keeper of secrets
One moment is all I implore

You give an excuse, I don’t believe it
Give me the answers due
You tie me a noose, pack up and leave it
Is that all I am to you?
Is that all I am to you?

The Painter’s Dilemma

Too many self portraits deface a soul
And I’m but a painter with too few to paint
All I see is the same in all of my models
The same variations on different taints

I once was a painter who looked up at great heroes
And secretly hoped that one day I would be
A sculpter of clay such that conquers all battles
And somehow of that clay I could recreate me

But now all I see are the base imperfections
That block out my way to what could never be
I can paint over, but always corrections
Can never be true when truth is just me

Basilisk

What claim can Cupid’s arrows have
To have triumphed through your armor
When you with but a devil’s laugh
Can lay waste to they who harbor
Such weapons as might penetrate
Your skin of sorrow and of scale
And with a look you seal their fate
Wrapping them in stony mail
Never more to strike at you
With beauty and with song
Never more to bid adieu
To the moments they were strong
There is only weakness now
Brittle, gray and dull
But if your eyes could only life allow
They would be fairest of them all.

At Arm’s Length

I am careful not to say such things
As might give you too much hope
Flowers and diamond rings
They are naught for me but rope
And I easily could say such things
As could fill you with despair
But whatever misery that brings
I know I will have the greater share.

Futile

I could call upon the storm:
The wind, the piercing rain.
I could make a whirlwind form,
But I would do it all in vain.

I could call upon the sky:
Watch the flash as thunder plays.
I could raise the waters forest high;
But I couldn’t turn back all the days.

I can’t call upon the clock
To hide its face and yours;
Moments pass, each with a lock,
To shut all open doors.

And I could call upon your name
As a plea or as a chant for war,
But there’s nothing there for me to claim
Except a broken heart forevermore.

Contagion

You don’t understand
And I can’t explain
‘Cause inside I’m terrified
Of spreading my pain

I’m standing inside
As you dance in the rain
One of us loves life
The other one just loves the pain

There are moments like this
When I think of that day
The day you were leaving,
But you turned just to say

That you don’t understand
How I waste every day
As if I’m too terrified
To find one single ray

You were my sunshine
Now you only see rain
One of us loved life
The other one clings to the pain

In the Land of Deep Despair

I see you tugging at the threads
And I laugh at my own pain;
Oh, my little fool…
You’ll understand when you’re insane.

It Takes Two

There’s a thousand reasons I don’t love you
Yet you’re still here within my mind
And there’s so many men above you
Who are so beautiful and kind
Yet I know I don’t deserve them
So I wonder if I deserve you
Because I know the game you’re playing
And darling, it takes two.