Worst Case

I thought the worst of you
Not for the first time
You have made your points so clearly
And I have made them mine
How I hate what I’m becoming
I hate the hate that makes it so
That much should push me to be better
But how? I just don’t know.

Ghosts

Ghosts of the past
And futures that should have been
Come to remind
Of my failures again.

More or Less

I know after every interaction
The need to be more or less myself
And yet after every interaction
I can’t decide which goes up on the shelf.

Differences

We both have our share of guilt
Neither inclined to bear it
I don’t understand this world you’ve built
And you’re disinclined to share it
So you cast your aspersions
And me, I’ll cast mine
How can there be so many versions
Of what should’ve been a shared timeline?

Bystander

My life has been a series
Of single-sided efforts
Words fly, I step aside
And make room for people’s tempers

I’ve been coddled to completion
Still I’m standing by
There’s no room for me in that great sea
What use is there to try?

Unjustified

I can’t hear your words for what they are
Only what they are to me
The salve that has created scars
The feather touch that makes me scream

If there is any justice
I suppose it won’t be found in me
I twist lifelines into chains
And let you have the blame for everything

Foresight

Life’s supposed to be a story
But I only see the game
Two moves ahead
Is what must be read
Or I’m the only one to blame

Lineless

I’m told to give myself more slack
But I don’t, because I know
There are places I can take that
And they aren’t places I should go

I’m told that I deserve better
I bite my bitter tongue
How do you know what I deserve
When you don’t know what I’ve done?

Sidelines

I’m not the only one with none to teach me
Yet they get by, and I never learn
I thought to live, when hope still could reach me
Now life approaches and I turn

I can’t find the courage needed to save me
Or if I can, I use a different word
And turn it out, like all things lately
As if denial turns all evils into good

But the effect of covered ears I see plainly
And daily watch the bridges burn
Yet for all I hate it, I still hate me
As I sit back and let it burn

Forfeit

There is sickness in the life I’m living
It blows in from the window
With the sound of carried voices
Raised, but still unclear
A torturous secret
That I’ve no right to be near