I’ve looked so long for a prince,
But I was longing for a friend;
I’ve watched the sun set from my tower,
But I was watching for a beginning, not an end.

I’ve been waiting for someone to throw me a rope,
But what I wanted was someone waiting for me to climb down;
I’ve been wishing for someone to make me smile,
But my best wish is for someone to be there even when I frown.

Tsk Tsk

It’s not a solution, not a plan…
Just out of the frying pan —
And if the fire isn’t hot enough,
Then add some extra wood and laugh.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,
Holding on by staying angry;
You can’t make of life a dream
By staging a nightmare scene.

So please, just try and move away
From this fire that you claim.
Maybe you’ll never be quite free —
But won’t you at least try, for me?

A Choice I Would Not Seize

We had come there for a purpose.
I tried hard not to be nervous;
But when he saw me and half-started,
My heart beat out of my chest.

He approached and kissed my hand;
Not at all what I had planned.
He was the captain of the ship;
And I, supposed to be a simple guest.

A spy was meant to blend in;
But, my companions saw a win,
And their eager nods to our captain’s invitation
Saw us that night around his dining table.

He spoke nearly to no other
And I so wished to run for cover,
For he was charming, and sweet,
And to consider harm from me, he seemed unable.

His name, he said, was Nikolai;
No other name he’d let me call him by.
And a fond familiarity with post-it note poetry
Grew over the course of the next few days.

The poems were left to me anonymous
But, they were really no less obvious
And I couldn’t help but blush and smile
Every time another came my way.

My companions, for their part
Wanted me to use his heart
And gain what we had come to get:
An edge for those we served — his enemies.

But I found that I no longer could
And so I did what I then always would,
And ran from cause and captain both:
Losing all to a choice I would not seize.

Drawn from a dream I once had, involving an interstellar civil war, an infatuated Russian spaceship captain (who left me little love poems on post-it notes, it was kind of adorable), and a choice that I refused to make — that last seeming to be a recurring character flaw of mine.

A Playlist Titled “Me”

Yes, I do have one. Anything that makes me perk up and go, “hah! That sounds like me” (or anything of the sort; It’s usually more tame than that) generally gets tossed in there. Unfortunately, I think it’s a bit too long to share the whole thing here, so instead I’ll inflict on you only a few of my main theme songs:

Hope of Morning — by Icon For Hire. I actually don’t think I liked this song at first. It’s usually fairly clear what a song is going to be like within the first few seconds or words, and this didn’t sound like my sort of thing… Then I heard the chorus. And then I started paying attention to the lyrics. And now… Well, there’s a reason it’s first in the list.

That’s Okay — by The Hush Sound. Ahh, family. And people in general. But you know, that’s okay.

Animal I Have Become — by Three Days GraceThis one needs no commentary.

To the Moon & Back — by Savage GardenToo much of this song sounds too much like it’s about me.

Crybaby — by American Avenue, Kalie Wolfe. (Explicit.) Funnily enough, I don’t think I’ve ever been called a crybaby… Except by myself.

Numb — by Linkin ParkI grew up listening to Linkin Park. But I never really listened to the lyrics until the past few years, and I was kind of surprised.

Blue Caravan — by Vienna Teng. A beautiful, quiet little song about love and longing.

Empty Page — by The Crane Wives. Hello, me.

Beekeeper — by Keaton Henson. Practically the exact thoughts of some of my darker, more cynical moments..

Milk & Honey — by Billie Marten. One of those moments where I’m unfortunately the subject of the song.

When You Were Young — by The Killers.  That first stanza is 100% me.

Darkness — by Blackmore’s Night. There’s a certain way I sometimes feel, which immediately brings to mind the lyrics: “Something in the darkness, pulled me deeper… Something in the madness, eased my mind.”

Cruel — by Elliot Lee. There’s actually a couple Elliot Lee songs I like, but the chorus of this one feels apropos right now

…did I say “a few” songs? I may have gone down a bit of a rabbit hole…

A Promise

I’ve no reason to breathe;
I’ve no reason to wake.
I tell him this, and many things:
Like my soul feels so heavy, I worry it might break.

He always listens quietly
With that little look he gets,
And I wonder what he’s thinking
When his eyes glitter like that.

After many conversations,
He turns to me one day;
Eyes still shining with that look,
He tells me in his quiet way:

When the weight’s too much to bear,
He’ll be there to carry me;
And if I’ve never had a reason,
Then he prays it could be he.

“In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story about a carried wife.”

Your Little Fool

Bear with me,
Watch me patiently:
Try to read my story,
Though I know I am a fool.

There are times I’ll say
More than ought to cross your way,
And then there’s times I’ll say
Almost nothing at all.

And if you try to stay,
It might be me who turns away;
Mad with the fear I might not see the day,
I verge so nearly upon cruel.

But if you try to see,
And accept even the worst of me,
I don’t think I could be anything
But your lucky little fool.

Fortune Teller

Tell me, can you read my palms?
Can you describe my life to be?
Will you show the rises and the falls,
And explain away my mystery?

Tell me, can you see my soul?
Can you describe it, what you see?
What color, if it’s there at all,
And won’t you explain what it all means?

Tell me, can you sense my pain?
Can you describe my remedy?
Will I meet him in sunshine or rain —
Or, is it not my destiny?

Casting Stones

I don’t know why I’m angry;
Why I just cannot accept.
Love, to me, sometimes seems
Like a foreign concept.

Have I ever even felt it?
If I did, how would I know?
There are some we’re just supposed to love,
But we don’t always feel it’s so.

Instead, we just feel empty;
Instead, we feel alone.
And though it may be that we share the blame,
We begin to cast our stones.

Not my best week. Sorry for being scarce. I’ve been distracted by several things, one of which you can probably extrapolate from my most recent poems. Add to that recent and upcoming events (like Thanksgiving, with all its accompanying chaos), and my trying to keep up with writing approximately 1700 words a day this month, and… I’m kind of beat.

Still… Just one more week to go, and the month is over. Back to status quo. Theoretically.